are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
