Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
