i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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