i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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