you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
