oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
