i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
