I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
