I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
