I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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