She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
