I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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