my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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