Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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