He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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