I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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