I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
