Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
