yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
