You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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