just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
