I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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