Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
