I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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