Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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