some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
