Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
