Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
