Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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