it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
