we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
