ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I smell stomach acid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
