I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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