the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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