Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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