My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize