I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
