I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
