Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
