How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
