Pappa wants mamma naked
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
be right there i have to get my cape
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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