Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
