just come out here and I will go home with you...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
