we have pet lesbian snakes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So many bounce houses so little time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
