Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
