Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
