i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
