i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
