Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
