I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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