Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
