I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
