so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
