why do cheetos always look like penises
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
