Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
