Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
