Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
