do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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