I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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