just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
