I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
