My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
