you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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