We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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