just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
