We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love you.
Bad choice
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
