Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
