im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wear drunk well.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
