..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
