I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize