he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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