Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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