If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
