That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize