This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
