On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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